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Zombie Registers Name on Mayoral Ballot — Citizens Excited for Change
The zombie of Howard Kranz (1963–2020) entered his name on the mayoral ballot Tuesday evening. He brings no qualifications and a mostly decomposed brain, but voters are excited.
“It will be great to get some new blood in here,” Cynthia Cornerstone, 35, said. “It’s always the same old candidates with the same old ideas. This is something new, and I like it.”
Gerald P. Quiggenstein, 27, was even more supportive. “Honestly, I think he’s the liveliest candidate that I’ve seen in my adult life.”
Kranz has not announced any definitive ideas and offers no clear platform, but his bloodthirsty disposition has quickly been winning voters over.
His quick, catchy campaign slogan is gaining traction, as well:
“Undead don’t die; undead don’t lie.”
Luther J. Stineglass, 58, told us that, “At this point, I’ve given up hope for a competent politician. Might as well root for someone who’s got some real hunger in his belly.”
Most everyone agrees that the debates will be particularly lively this season.
“Kranz’s sincere growling is the smartest thing I ever heard from a politician,” Stineglass said. “Sure beats all the big words filled with hot…
